Finding Direction

No, this isn't about getting lost or using a GPS!  In life many of us are constantly searching for direction. We seem like a bunch of lost children, whether we're six or sixty, muddling about with no real purpose and specific goal to our existence. There are times that I think people exist their whole lives without a real purpose. And that is what kills many of them in the end.

"Lady Blue"
20"x26", pastel on paper, 1989

A purpose in life gives us something to strive for. It gives us direction. It helps us to find things to keep our minds active and our bodies wholesome. The greater this purpose is expressed in ourselves, the greater it can push us to move forward and to be as human beings. But the greatness of this purpose is something that can only be judged by the person who chooses this purpose. Whether your purpose is to be the best mechanic in your neighbourhood (and to keep it that way), or help others with some specific and lofty task (such as Gandhi of Mother Theresa), or simply to produce something that makes you smile, it doesn't matter. It's the having and striving as part of this that makes the difference.

I've been thinking about my purpose and direction lately. Or maybe I should say my multiple directions in life. For me, my kids are always first. But that's only a time-limited thing, as one day they will strike out on their own and I will have to put me first again. And so I try to integrate that into my daily life. For years I lived without a purpose. I existed only. I worked hard, yes. I even had a fairly good career. Careers are important! They take up at least 1/3 of our time and usually more, since we think about them when we're not at work. So spending that much of one's life without reason and merely existing seems pointless. Yet, most of us live that way.

A year ago I lost my employment. It was a nice job, that I was enjoying a lot and truly believed had some great potential. But the company owner decided that it was over - he wanted to put his resources elsewhere. And I realized that I really didn't have a direction in my life. What was I going to do? I could have easily went back into accounting full time. But I also knew that was not for me. I would have ended up with a complete breakdown by now, I'm sure of it. And that wouldn't have been good for my kids or me. And all I could think about was my creative outlets. My writing. My drawing. My armour. My sculpture.

Ever since I was a kid all I wanted to do was artwork and writing. I realize that is quite broad. There's so much to the artwork that I am capable of, it confuses people. I can draw. I can paint. I can sculpt. I can draw with pencils, pastels, inks, found media, charcoal... anything. And I know how to paint with oil, acrylic, watercolour, and other media. And I can sculpt from metal, wood, clay, and more. I can make jewellery with gold and silver. I can make armour. And I can even work leather. I don't think there are too many artists who are capable of working with so many things. My mind wanders easily. I get bored with one thing and have to move on to another. I think that is why I have learned so many creative methods.

Does my art need more direction, though? I so sometimes wonder if I should focus on one medium more - not to the complete exclusion of others - but for the majority of my work. What is my purpose in life and art?

I do need to write! There are a few projects that I will finish in this regard. But I have more focus in my writing and know what my priorities are there. The visual art.... Well, I confuse people with what I do. There is so little understanding of someone who really is capable of so many things! And so I think that I will have to concentrate on two or three mediums over the next six months and see if that helps. I've already chosen metal as one of these. Maybe less true armour and more "art". But I also have to do some of my drawing, or I will go nuts. I need that outlet!

In this past year, I feel as if I've found who I am once again. It's like the previous 12 years or so I was living in a world of someone else's dream. It wasn't mine. I was only going through the motions of surviving. And I could have been caught in that for a few more decades. And it would have killed me and all the wonder I can bring to the world. Isn't art a good purpose to have?